Article by Erin Ferree
“Mirror, Mirror on the wall… Who’s The Fairest One Of All?” The wicked witch uses this line to ask her magic mirror about her beauty, and time and time again, the mirror always says, “Why, you are, of course!” Then, one day, the mirror answers “There is one fairer than you–and her skin is white as snow.” This simple truth sends the witch on a rampage. She disguises herself, poisons poor Snow White, and puts her into a magical coma.
This tale of jealousy and deception cautions children everywhere that nothing good can come of vanity. But if you ask the average small business owner what differentiates their business from the competition, one of the first answers you’ll hear is “Why, I do. I’m the best at this in the land!”–or some variation on that refrain.
Vanity is not the “fairest one of all.”
Vanity, even when backed by your business acumen or experience, is never pretty. And it’s not universally attractive to customers–unless they’ve worked with you in the past or know you socially. The fact that it’s you running your business probably won’t mean much to the average new customer.
Customers and prospects are more concerned about their needs, their businesses, and their situations than they are about how good you are. What they want to know is how you’re going to help them. And if you’re a one-person business, they’re likely to be more concerned about the fact that you’re the only one there rather than being thrilled about your experience.
And this is where a brand steps in.
Your business brand’s job is to take your one-person business and make it seem established and stable–rather than fly-by-night and risky to work with.
A brand should also make your business seem more “businesslike”– and that means credible, dependable, and customer-focused. A business brand can help you position your business as helpful, concerned about clients, and capable of delivering.
Finally, a brand allows you to speak about and present your business as a separate entity–instead of constantly talking about your, you can talk about your business. In other words, a brand helps to take the spotlight off the entrepreneur and give the business a personality of its own. This allows you to do a bit more “crowing” about your business, without seeming as if you are bragging about yourself.
Keys to separating your business brand from you.
1. Think about how big you want your business to eventually be. If you’re planning to stay a one-person business, then your business’s brand can probably be closer to your own personality than if you’re planning to grow your business and eventually hire employees. If you are planning to hire people, make sure that your employees will be able to demonstrate the brand characteristics you choose.
2. Look at other businesses in your industry and how they present their brands. This can help point you in the right direction for your brand and also help you make sure your brand will stand out. Look at the things they talk about and how they talk about their businesses.
See which business’s materials and brands you’re most drawn to and the lessons or suggestions you can pull from their materials and repurpose for your own. Just don’t copy them exactly, or your brand won’t be unique. Look at the pictures they use and the words they describe their businesses with–both elements contribute to your brand.
3. Figure out which of your personality traits are most valuable to your business. The best way to do this is to think about your target audience and the reassurance it needs to go from being interested in doing business with you to making the committment.
Some of these traits are likely to be those expected of any business worth working with–fair pricing, good service, and the list goes on and on. So you also need to think about the factors that differentiate you from your competition. You also want to focus on factors that make you appealing to the people you want to hire you.
This is a pretty tall order, but try out your brand on your target audience and see what resonates with them before “carving it into stone”–which, in the case of your brand, means before you print any marketing materials. Test your ideas out with temporary materials or by incorporating them into an elevator pitch at your next networking event. At the very least, call up some of your best clients and run your ideas by them.
4. Consider creating a logo as the face of your business. If you use a photo of yourself as the primary graphic for your business, it suggests you’re always going to take personal care of all client accounts–which isn’t a message you should send if you’re planning to grow your business or hire subcontractors or assistants. Using a photo also brings in the vanity aspect again. “Look at me, I’m here to do business with you.” may not be the best message to send.
If you keep these 4 steps in mind and create a brand that leaves you and your vanity out of the picture, your business won’t come across as a wicked witch. Instead, you’ll create a brand that will make your business “the fairest one of all” to your best clients and help you live happily ever after.
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Executive Summary
There are several fundamental techniques in handling people. Criticizing people won’t get you anywhere. Naturally, people don’t blame themselves for anything – no matter how wrong they may be. Rewarding people when they do something right is much more effective than punishment for bad behavior. The big secret of dealing with people is to make the other person want to do whatever it is that you want them to do. Also, you need to “bait the hook to suit the fish.” This means that people need an incentive to work, and these incentives will change from person to person. All you have to do is find out what each person wants. For example, I couldn’t catch a fish with ice cream, even though it is my favorite food. Think about what the fish would want – a worm or a grasshopper. “The only way on earth to influence other people is to talk about what they want and show them how to get it.”
There are numerous ways to make people like you. Be sincere when showing interest in someone. Also, make sure you have a pleasant expression on your face. Smile sincerely and call people by their first name. Listen intently, because a good conversationalist is a good listener. Encourage people to talk about their interests, and listen to them exclusively. Talk about the things that someone treasures most, such as pets or grandchildren. Make the person you are talking to feel important, and always follow the golden rule. Use courtesies such as “Please,” and “Thank you.”
There are many ways that you can win people to your way of thinking. Never tell someone they are wrong. That is seen as a challenge, and will make the other person want to battle with you. A positive phrase such as, “I may be wrong. I frequently am. Let’s examine the facts” will open the door for pleasant discussion, instead of a bitter challenge. Also, a friendly, sympathetic approach will almost guarantee you anything you could possibly want. Gentleness and friendliness are stronger than fury and force. Listen patiently and with an open mind. Don’t interrupt someone when they are speaking their thoughts. After the person is finished speaking, point out the things that you agree upon and go from there. In addition, put yourself in other people’s shoes. Try seeing things from their perspective and don’t condemn. Show consideration to the other person’s ideas and let them know that their feelings are just as important to you as your own feelings.
Being a leader means changing people without offending them or arousing resentment. Before you criticize someone, begin with a word of praise. When dealing with sensitive people, call attention to their mistakes indirectly. This way, no one’s feelings get hurt, and they will make the proper corrections without embarrassment. Rather than give commands to people, phrase your suggestions as follows: “You might consider this,” or “Do you think that would work?” Never tell a person that they are bad at a certain thing, or that they are doing something all wrong. That will destroy all of their motivation to try to improve. Instead, be liberal with encouragement and make the thing that they are attempting seem easy to do. Let the person know that you have faith in their ability and they will practice with no end.
The Ten Things Managers Need to Know from
How to Win Friends & Influence People:
“Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain – and most fools do. But it takes character and self-control to be understanding and forgiving.”
Begin improvement with yourself.
“You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you.”
A good conversationalist is a good listener.
“Always make the other person feel important.”
Little courtesies go a long way. Phrases such as “I’m sorry to trouble you,” “Won’t you please,” and “Thank you” work wonders.
When you are wrong, admit it quickly and openly.
Sympathy is what three-fourths of the people you meet are thirsting for. “Give it to them, and they will love you.”
“Beginning [criticism] with praise is like the dentist who begins his work with Novocain.”
When dealing with sensitive people, call attention to their mistakes indirectly.
Full Summary of
How to Win Friends & Influence People
Fundamental Techniques in Handling People
“If You Want to Gather Honey, Don’t Kick Over the Beehive”
Criticizing people won’t get you anywhere. Naturally, people don’t blame themselves for anything – no matter how wrong they may be. Rewarding people when they do something right is much more effective than punishment for bad behavior.
Begin improvement with yourself. A good example from Confucius: “Don’t complain about the snow on your neighbor’s roof when your own doorstep is unclean.”
Instead of condemning people, try to figure out why they do what they do. Understanding brings sympathy, tolerance, and kindness. “To know all is to forgive all.”
The Big Secret of Dealing with People
There is one way to get anybody to do anything: make the other person want to do it. What do people want? Here are a few things: health, food, sleep, money, and a feeling of importance.
How you get your feeling of importance determines your character. This is the most significant thing about you.
The ability to deal with people is nearly priceless. Charles Schwab figured this out in the 1920’s. Here is a quote from him: “I consider my ability to arouse enthusiasm among my people the greatest asset I possess, and the way to develop the best that is in a person is by appreciation and encouragement… I believe in giving a person incentive to work.”
The difference between appreciation and flattery is sincerity. Appreciation comes unselfishly from the heart.
“He Who Can Do This Has the Whole World with Him. He Who Cannot Walks a Lonely Way.”
“Bait the hook to suit the fish.” I couldn’t catch a fish with ice cream, even though it is my favorite food. Think about what the fish would want – a worm or a grasshopper. Talk with people about what they want, not what you want. “The only way on earth to influence other people is to talk about what they want and show them how to get it.”
“Arouse in the other person an eager want.” Instead of boasting a wonderful idea as your own, let the other person kick around the idea, and then they will consider it their own. For example, if your son doesn’t want to eat healthy foods, you must show him the benefits of eating well that will benefit him, not what will benefit you. You could mention that eating his vegetables will help him grow bigger and stronger than the bully down the street, and the bully would no longer be able to take away his bicycle.
Six Ways to Make People Like You
Do This and You’ll Be Welcome Anywhere
“You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you.” Real friends are not made by trying to impress people; you must have a genuine interest in them.
To make friends, do things for other people that require your time and energy. Do things that are unselfish and thoughtful. A very simple example of this is remembering people’s birthdays.
Be sincere when showing interest in someone. Both parties must benefit because this is a two way street. Publilius Syrus said, “We are interested in others when they are interested in us.”
A Simple Way to Make a Good First Impression
The expression you have on your face is much more important than the clothes you wear on your back. A smile says, “I like you. You make me happy. I am glad to see you.” This is the same effect that an eager dog has when you enter someone’s home – you can’t help but be glad to see the dog.
An insincere smile fools no one. A smile is so powerful that you can hear it when speaking to someone over the telephone, even though you can’t actually see their face. Chances are, if you smile at someone, they will smile back.
People rarely succeed at anything unless they have fun doing it. So be happy! Our own happiness depends on inner, not outward, conditions. Your thoughts and mental attitude affect your happiness. A quote from Abraham Lincoln: “Most folks are about as happy as they make up their minds to be.”
If You Don’t Do This, You Are Headed for Trouble
Call people by their first name. Don’t use a nickname for someone just because it is difficult to pronounce their name. Practice it until you get it right. A person’s name is their favorite word to hear.
A good way to warm up a cold, corporate business is to remember people’s names. It makes people feel important, and all it takes is a little time and energy to fix someone’s name in your mind.
An Easy Way to Become a Good Conversationalist
Listen intently. A good conversationalist is a good listener. Encourage people to talk about their interests, and listen to them exclusively.
Listen actively with your ears and your eyes. Don’t be concerned about what you are going to say next – keep your ears open. The ability to listen is rarer than almost any other good trait.
How to Interest People
The path to a person’s heart is to talk about the things that someone treasures most. If you know that your lunch date for tomorrow loves sail boats, do some research on it tonight.
People are very easy to approach if you know their interests. By beginning the previously mentioned lunch date by talking about sail boats, the person will be more open to give you a job, do you a favor, or whatever your motivation was for having lunch with them. “Talking in terms of the other person’s interests pays off for both parties.”
How to Make People Like You Instantly
Do something for someone without wanting anything in return (except maybe a smile.) Compliment the bank teller or the post office worker for the sole purpose of making their day better.
“Always make the other person feel important.” The deepest urge in human nature is the desire to feel important.
Follow the golden rule: “Do unto others as you would have others do unto you.” Obey this rule all the time and everywhere you go.
Little courtesies go a long way. Phrases such as “I’m sorry to trouble you,” “Won’t you please,” and “Thank you” work wonders.
How to Win People to Your Way of Thinking
You Can’t Win an Argument
To get the best of an argument, avoid the situation all together. “Nine times out of ten, an argument ends with each of the contestants more firmly convinced than ever that he is absolutely right.”
Suggestions for keeping a disagreement from becoming an argument:
“Distrust your first instinctive impression.” A person’s natural reaction to an argument is to be defensive. Instead, we should keep calm and be careful about what we say.
“Listen First.” Let the other person speak until they have no words left, then try to build bridges of understanding.
“Be honest.” Find areas where you are wrong, and admit it.
A Sure Way of Making Enemies – and How to Avoid It
Never tell someone they are wrong. That is seen as a challenge, and will make the other person want to battle with you. Lord Chesterfield once said to his son, “Be wiser than other people if you can; but do not tell them so.”
A positive phrase such as, “I may be wrong. I frequently am. Let’s examine the facts” will open the door for friendly discussion, instead of a bitter challenge.
If You’re Wrong, Admit It
When you are wrong, admit it quickly and openly.
Criticize yourself before the other person can criticize you – it will take the fight right out of them.
A Drop of Honey
A friendly, sympathetic approach will almost guarantee you anything you could possibly want. Gentleness and friendliness are stronger than fury and force.
“A drop of honey catches more flies than gall” is an old saying that remains true today. People never react positively to a negative approach.
The Secret of Socrates
“In talking with people, don’t begin by discussing the things on which you differ. Begin by emphasizing the things on which you agree.” Highlight that you have the same purpose in the end.
Ask questions that will get a “yes” response to prove your point. This leads to convincing the other person of your point of view. For example, “Would you agree that we both want what is best for the company?”
The Safety Valve in Handling Complaints
Stop talking so much. If someone is coming to you with a problem, they know much more about the problem than you do, so don’t interrupt them unless you are asking questions.
“Listen patiently and with an open mind.” Ask the person to express their thoughts fully.
How to Get Cooperation
People are much more enthused when an idea is their own. Throw out some suggestions, and let others come up with the bright idea. They will work harder and more passionately.
Let someone sell themselves on a product or service. Encourage them to speak with someone who is satisfied with your product rather than being a “typical salesperson” that is seen as pushy.
A Formula That Will Work Wonders for You
Put yourself in other people’s shoes. Try seeing things from their perspective and don’t condemn. “Success in dealing with people depends on a sympathetic grasp of the other person’s viewpoint.”
Show consideration to the other person’s ideas. Let them know that their feelings are just as important to you as your own feelings.
What Everybody Wants
“I don’t blame you for feeling as you do. If I were you I would feel the same way.” This simple phrase has the power to stop arguments, create good will, and make the other person listen attentively.
Sympathy is what three-fourths of the people you meet are thirsting for. “Give it to them, and they will love you.”
When Nothing Else Works, Try This
Stimulating competition is a great way to get things done. It is simply human nature to want to beat the other team, crew, or shift.
What motivates workers more than money, benefits, and good working conditions? The work itself. “If the work was interesting and exciting, the worker looked forward to doing it and was motivated to do a good job.”
Be a Leader: How to Change People Without Giving Offense or Arousing Resentment
If You Must Find Fault, This Is the Way to Begin
“It is always easier to listen to unpleasant things after we have heard some praise of our good points.” For example, before reprimanding someone for being late for work, compliment them on their shirt, new haircut, or positive attitude.
“Beginning with praise is like the dentist who begins his work with Novocain.” To get an employee to work more efficiently, it may be as simple as showing your confidence in that person.
How to Criticize – and Not Be Hated For It
Most people say something positive, followed with the word “but,” and conclude with criticism. This makes people doubt the credibility of the positive statement. Instead, replace the word “but” with “and.” An example of parents speaking to a child: “We’re proud of you for raising your grades this semester, and by keeping up the same hard work next semester, your algebra grade will be as high as all your other grades.”
When dealing with sensitive people, call attention to their mistakes indirectly. This way, no one’s feelings get hurt, and they will make the proper corrections without embarrassment.
Talk About Your Own Mistakes First
If you are dealing with someone younger than you, stop and think of the mistakes you made when you were that age. Your harsh words should become much kinder.
Humble yourself and praise the other person. You both are only human and have made mistakes in the past and will continue to do so in the future.
No One Likes to Take Orders
Rather than give commands to people, phrase your suggestions as follows: “You might consider this,” or “Do you think that would work?”
Give people the opportunity to do things themselves. This way, people will learn from their mistakes and give them a feeling of importance.
Give a Dog a Good Name
When you remind a recently lethargic employee of their previously exceptional good work, you will set the bar for them by using their own standards.
“Give a dog a bad name and you may as well hang him. But give him a good name – and see what happens!” I love what Carnegie goes on to say about this quotation. “If you want to improve a person in a certain respect, act as though that particular trait were already one of his or her outstanding characteristics.”
Make the Fault Seem Easy to Correct
Never tell a person that they are bad at a certain thing, or that they are doing something all wrong. That will destroy all of their motivation to try to improve.
Be liberal with encouragement and make the thing that they are attempting seem easy to do. Let the person know that you have faith in their ability and they will practice with no end.
Making People Glad to Do What You Want
Instead of simply rejecting someone’s request for you to speak at their function, add the name of someone else that might be able to speak at the function in place of you.
Carnegie lists a few guidelines for an effective leader and what they should keep in mind when it is necessary to change someone’s attitudes or behaviors:
Be sincere. Do not promise anything that you cannot deliver.
Know exactly what it is you want the other person to do.
Be empathetic. Ask yourself what the other person really wants.
Consider the benefits that person will receive from doing what you suggest.
Match those benefits to the other person’s wants.
When you make your request, put it in a form that will convey to the other person the idea that he or she will personally benefit.
This technique will not work 100% of the time, but if it works 10% of the time, you have become a more efficient leader than you were.
Personal Insights
Why I think the author is one of the most brilliant people around:
I think Dale Carnegie is brilliant. He was basically the pioneer of human relations, and he got it right the first time. His work began in the 1920’s and is still relevant today. Any person, be it a judge, a construction worker, or a homemaker could benefit from reading this book. It reinforces many of the things that we were taught when we were children, such as using the golden rule. It also introduces new topics, such as how to get people to do what you want them to do. I would recommend this book to anyone that wants to improve their life and be a happier person.
If I were the author of the book, I would have done these three things differently:
I would have omitted some of the examples. Most of Carnegie’s examples were great, but others fell short and were of no use.
I would not have been so repetitive of the same concepts. The reinforcement of topics covered at the beginning of the book was not necessary at the end.
I would have combined some of the smaller chapters into sections.
Reading this book made me think differently about the topic in these ways:
I realize I need to be a better friend. Instead of beginning a conversation telling my news, I will first ask my friends what is going on in their lives.
I will stop nagging and criticizing my boyfriend for smoking cigarettes. After all, “A drop of honey catches more flies than gall.”
If I need someone to do a favor for me, I will figure out what’s in it for them before I approach them.
I’ll apply what I’ve learned in this book in my career by:
I am going to be an elementary school teacher, and I now know how to get people to do things that I want them to do. For example, a simple challenge between the classes will improve all of the student’s grades.
If I am approached to do something that I am not interested in doing, instead of simply declining I will recommend someone that may be interested.
I will give praise to students about their strengths before I comment on their weaknesses. For example, I could tell Suzie that her math grades are wonderful, and if she practiced her spelling words as much as she did her math problems, she would bring her spelling grade up in no time.
Here is a sampling of what others have said about the book and its author:
To give you some perspective of the overall feeling of this book,607 out of 758 Amazon reviewers gave How to Win Friends and Influence People five stars. Numerous people’s lives have changed because of this book. Many reviewers stated that this book is just as useful today as it was when it was first published, which was 1937. Dale Carnegie had an understanding of human nature that will never be outdated.
It seems that most people agree that this book is still relevant today because it really works. The principles taught in this book can be applied to your personal life or your business life. It contains priceless advice about human nature and how to deal with people in all kinds of situations. It is still one of the best books to read for anyone wanting to improve his or her communication skills.
This book has given introverted, shy people the ability and confidence to speak in front of people and make more friends. This book has enabled managers to get people to do things because they wanted to, not because they had to. This book has helped ordinary people like you and I achieve our dreams and goals.
Bibliography
Customer reviews. Retrieved from http://search.barnesandnoble.com/How-to-Win-Friends-and-InfluencePeople/DaleCarnegie/e/9780671027032/?itm=2&USRI=how+to+win+friends+and+influence+people#TABS
Customer reviews. Retrieved from http://www.amazon.com/How-Win-Friends-Influence-People/productreviews/0671027034/ref=cm_cr_pr_link_next_2?ie=UTF8&showViewpoints=0&filterBy=addFiveStar&pageNumber=2
Smith, R. A Review of How to Win Friends and Influence People . Retrieved from http://www.squidoo.com/reviewofhowtowinfriendsandinfluencepeople
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Contact Info: To contact the author of this “Summary and Review of How to Win Friends & Influence People,” please email w0355177@selu.edu.
Biography
David C. Wyld (dwyld.kwu@gmail.com) is the Robert Maurin Professor of Management at Southeastern Louisiana University in Hammond, Louisiana. He is a management consultant, researcher/writer, and executive educator. His blog, Wyld About Business, can be viewed at http://wyld-business.blogspot.com/. He also serves as the Director of the Reverse Auction Research Center (http://reverseauctionresearch.blogspot.com/), a hub of research and news in the expanding world of competitive bidding. Dr. Wyld also maintains compilations of works he has helped his students to turn into editorially-reviewed publications at the following sites:
Management Concepts (http://toptenmanagement.blogspot.com/)
Book Reviews (http://wyld-about-books.blogspot.com/) and
Travel and International Foods (http://wyld-about-food.blogspot.com/).
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